Drunk Poker (Dawn)

Ranger: " Sir, you can not operate a boat under the influence of alcohol."
Homer: "Wooo whooo! That sounds like a wager!"

One poker blogger sees what happens when she sits down at a table, stops being polite and starts getting plastered.

I don't know how her highness the gimp ended up in ac for labor day weekend. I really don't, but she decided to use the opportunity to test the effects of Jameson's irish whiskey on poker playing.


Now, a few things you should know: 1) alcohol doesn't affect dawn summers 2) dawn summers is on a number of medications for which alcohol is contraindicated 3) Dawn Summers plays poker good 4) Dawn Summers can't count to save the lives of those she loves, who are few in number.
And now on to the experiment.
Whiskey #1:
"whoa, whiskey? You're a tough girl," says the gentleman to my left. I smile politely. I fold 9T off under the gun.
Whiskey #2: Call 9T off from MP, fold when flop misses completely.
Whiskey #3: Call T8suited: puppy dog toes!
Whiskey #4: "oh, sorry...is it my turn? Okay, I call. Wait, I didn't look at my cards yet...can I look...no, no need to call the floor...I said call...what's the bet?"
Fuck. Call, fold on the flop.
Whiskey #5: I'm actually feeling really good and my poker game, aside from that minor misspeak is now in the zone. There's this chick next to me, who keeps calling my raises (not big ones 6 or 8 dollars with Le Dawns and small pairs) and then firing into me on the flop. She might have gotten away with this, had I not flopped a set of sevens the first time she did it. And then once I memorized her pattern, I called her down with hands as weak as third pair and was good. Guess she must have thought I was drunk. Foolio!
Whiskey #6: Okay, really really concentrating, so that people don't think I'm drunk. I actually laid down a gut shot which would have hit.
Whiskey #7: "OMG KINGS!" I say instead of think. But, of course, no one believes me, I get three calls on my $12 preflop raise and then everyone folds to my $80 bet on the flop. Scchweeet. Stacking chips starts to become problematic. However, I use this to my advantage, when after knocking over the stack for the third time, a guy at the end, who has just sat down and doesn't know about my drinking experiments says "Well she's got a big hand," so I say "stop killing my action," real angrily and then raise and everyone folded. I hadn't even looked at my cards yet. So who knows, I coulda had aces. I accidentally tip the waittress five bucks for the drink...this results in really speedy refill service and I drink faster to keep up. NG
Whiskey #8: Handed in the cup holder along with the cup, then exclaimed reeealllyy loudly "DDUDE THE TABLE'S BROKEN!" when I looked down to see a hole in front of me. I felt very silly when the waittress pulled the glass out of the cup holder and put it back in. I don't remember any hands from this point on. But my stack started to dwindle...I know this because it was taken less and less time to restack when I knocked them over.
Whiskey #9: This might have been when I start saying "mother fucker! I would have had a flush!" whenever I would fold preflop and my hand would hit. Got a dealer warning.
Whiskey #10: These things are costing me five bucks a pop now. Must drink for value.
I've had AK three times this rotation and none hit...I hate women dealers. But I didn't say so out loud...I think.
Whiskey #11: Alceste is texting me, I am keeping him apprised of my experiment.
Whiskey #12: Vomit. In my defense, this guy next to me ordered a bloody Mary and the smell of his tomato juice just turned my stomach inside out and the room started to spin. Hmm, in the name of accuracy, this is probably also Whiskey 9, 10 and 11. The remix.
I felt better after that and Alceste suggested food.
Yeah. Food.
I stopped by to see how new Crackhouser, Kearns was doing. We randomly spotted him at the Hilton. I watched him take a sick beat when his turned nut flush was cracked by a guy going runner runner for a full house with his pocket sixes.
"Take a picture of that!" Kearns, said handling the beat way better than I would have.
Although probably not better than I would have that day.
He asked how I had done and I said I was inexplicably up $78 despite playing like a donkey.
My table had broken and one of the guys who was sitting next to me, overheard the conversation and interjected.
"She did no such thing. She's very good. Conservative, but bets hard when she makes her hand. Don't listen to her."
I smiled and felt very badly about cracking his queens with my donkerrific AT call...though when he folded to my reraise on the Ace high flop, I told him I had AK.
"I know, you did, darlin' I know how you play," he said graciously. But I was glad that the whiskey experiment hadn't adversely affected my game.
Alceste and I left for the Borgata...and I guess I wasn't looking too good because he said:
"Dawn...if you throw up in my car, I will beat you to death."
I did not throw up in his car.
However, I might have thrown up when we got to the Borgata. Whiskey 6, 7, 8...possibly also 5.
I tried to eat some Chinese food...with no success.
I also couldn't drink any water...I think my mouth was just like "what the fuck? Where's the whiskey!"
So, I did what anyone else in my position would do...took a seat at 1/2 no limit and bought in for $200.
My head promptly hit the table and the dealer was concerned.
"Are you okay, miss?"
MISS! Marry me.
I didn't say that.
Yeah...no...I didn't.
I nodded weakly.
"Come on, it's a holiday weekend! Have some fun, I'll have the waittress bring you a shot of tequila! That should perk you up."
"uhh...no...I'm good thanks."
Princess Maigrey came over to say hi and to complain that Ftrain and Alceste were cutting in on her action at the 10/20 table.
I waved to Maudie at the other 1/2 table and she sympathetically asked if I was okay.
Which made me wonder exactly how bad I looked, but evidently I have texted F-train from the Hilton to say that I was pounded Jameson's like Bud Light.
I got bullied pretty bad at that table, but won a nice pot with the flopped nut flush, so that I was mostly even.
I grinded my way to a more than $300, when F-train came over to say hi...he then watched me donked off $85 to this dude with top pair junk kicker.
"You're bad luck," I said shooing him away.
He left and I looked down at 3d7d in the SB, the same guy who clipped me earlier, raises to $8, I shrug my shoulders and drop in the call.
Flop is 8d 7s 4c, I put him on big cards, so I bet $25. He raises to $50.
D'oh.
But...I call.
Shut it.
Turn is the Ad, I check, he bets $70.
Umm...shut it.
River? FIVE OF DIAMONDS! WOOOO.
I check, he bets $60, I push all-in for $102 more.
HE CALLS and shows A8.
I show my baby flush and he goes BALLISTIC!
I am instantly feeling better.

I go on a sick mini run, including a nice win by bluffing on the river with 8 high from the cutoff.
I text Alceste that with my credibility shot and my coffers full, it's time to go.
On our way out, we ran into the Wall Street game crew, where the illustrious host was playing 3/6 limit!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
"What? Was the list too long for 2/4 limit?" I asked, laughing.
"Shut up, Gimpy." He responded.
Pout.
All in all, it was a great spontaneously profitable AC trip. Though Ftrain put Alceste on traffic tilt when he caused a 45 minute traffic jam on the parkway.
And I learned that my limit is 11 Irish Whiskeys in a three hour period.