Mary had a little stack...

And where it followed something, jack?
For the life of me I can't remember how "Mary had a little lamb" goes. And I refuse to have that search show up when my google history is subpoenaed by the Feds.
Don't ask any questions.
So, where were we? Ah, day two of the second Borgata Open event.
I had busted out, but Mary and Pete from the Buckingham game were still in it to win it.
Mary and I got up early, checked out of Harrah's and headed over to the Borgata. Mary, as the superior poker player, got to choose the breakfast location.
"I saw this place yesterday...'Bread and Butter,' let's go there."
"Okay."
We circled the Borgata.
Twice.
"I swear...I saw it yesterday!"
"Suuure you did, Mary."
Yah. Likely story. Bread *and* butter? In this economy? Pffft.
She asked a guard.
He told us to follow a pathway...so we lapped the Borgata.
Again.
We found it this time...and turns out, it was pretty much five steps behind that stupid guard. All we had to do was walk past him instead of following his stupid instructions.
Oh, Borgata, how I loathe thee and they labyrinthian ways.
You guys so have a Minotaur, don't you?
We ate at Bread and Butter. It's a weird place. One of those: you stand on line, order, *then get a table.* I ordered French toast, but to my chagrin, when the waitress brought the food, they only served real maple syrup. I only like artificial maple syrup (I also hate fresh squeezed juices...you can take the girl out of Brooklyn...but you can't take her "orange drink." Um...and actually, you can't take the girl out of Brooklyn. She bites.)
Anyhoo, Mary thought that was strange. That's the only reason I mention it. Also, someone please alert the Maryland authorities that I have a lead on the spate of watermelon thefts which plagued the region in the 80s.
Of course, we have 40 minutes till her tournament, so we go to the poker room and sit down in a 1/2 game.
Mary is in the 9 seat and is totally hitting hands. In 20 minutes she nearly doubled her stack. I decide to make this an aggro day. If Mary folded, I was raising. I took down a couple of small pots before getting into a fight with the dealer over my "texting." (I totally wasn't! Grr.)
I decide not to tip him anymore in protest.
As Mary starts racking up to head off to her tournament, I "call lucky seat" and make the dealer lock it up for me. Meanwhile, I have just been dealt QQ in the SB. It limps to me (six players) I raise to $20. Middle position player calls and then button reraises to $50. Huh? What? Um, who LIMP/RERAISES from the freaking BUTTON??? I assume he's making a play on my short stack (which, seriously, is the ONLY thing that makes any sense! You're the BUTTON, what are you waiting for? The Small blind to have queens? )
So I shove: $135.
Middle position guy hems and haws and then calls.
Buttons calls for $15 less. He has Kings.
FML.
The board is all rags, so I muck at the river, forgetting there was a $30 sidepot. THAT IDIOT turns over AJoff and wins it.
OH. MY. Gawd.
And THEN he starts TALKING.
"Look, I have an overcard on his kings, so I know I'm good if my ace hits. She probably has like fives or sixes, so I'm a coinflip with her. I *have to call.*"
Yeah...so...you remember that scene in the movie where the girl in the bed is all floating and her mouth is foaming and her eyes roll all around in the sockets? That shit was NOTHING compared to Dawn on "dealer pissing me off, button sucking at poker, mucking a winning hand AND listening to a moron thinking he knows something about ANYTHING" tilt.
I gave him a few choice words and ended with my rarely heard "keep playing that way. Please. I'm fucking begging you."
I then moved to the lucky seat and rebought.
The universe, having the sense of humor that it does, gives me QQ AGAIN.
I raise to $25 from UTG + 2. I am radiating tilt. This results in FOUR calls, including one from doofus.
The flop is 863.
He bets $50.
I move allin.
Everyone else folds.
He goes "Do you have AK"? And turns over A8.
"That's a great preflop call, with A8, when you've put me on AK."
He HAS THE NERVE TO SAY:
"I've got a live card"!!!!!!!
The dealer finishes the community cards and nothing bad happens.
I turn over my queens and scoop the pot.
He FINALLY shuts the frack up. My tilt goes away. Like magic!
I bust him two hands later when he was chasing a flush with one card to come when I already had a boat.
He sits in his seat and as I stack the last of his chips I say "Come on, rebuy! You're teaching me so much about poker."
He gets up.
The guy next to me says "you're a tough cookie."
I smile sweetly. As is my way.
"No, I'm not."
The lucky seat is kicking so very much ass. I get my stack up over four hundo when Mary texts that she has cashed in the tourney! I tweet the good news, and shortly thereafter, she texts that she was the first player out after the bubble. Her "ace in a race" ran into pocket Kings.
Pete busted out on the final table bubble. In an ugly SB vs. BB battle where he happened to have 44 when the BB happened to have TT.
He shoved and got snap called by one of the few stacks that could bust him.
Mary found me sitting in her old seat. After my bustout in Connecticut, I pretty much wanted to get in the car and go straight home. So I told Mary I was ready to go when the big blind got to me.
Clearly, I had forgotten who I was talking to.
"I barely got to play any poker at all today," she said grumpily.
"Ah, ok, cool. I can stay."
She went and got chips and took a seat at the 1/2 game next to mine. I stacked the kid in the unlucky seat when he flopped bottom 2 vs. My top pair. He kept stringing me along with like half pot sized bets...I started to suspect a set, and the board went runner runner sevens on the turn and river, I just flat called him. He pushed his last 30 on the river and I said:
"Ugh...I pay to see your boat. I just have an ace."
Instead he shows fours and sixes.
I turn my hand over, thinking I'd lost and then the dealer says "aces up"
Unlucky seat guy is sooooo mad. He starts calling all my raises with his rebuy.
This simply provides me with his money at a steady clip of $12 at a time.
Viva la silla fortunada!
(I do not even know what language that is. Sorry...French guys? Italians?)
I'm kidding. I know German when I see it.
Anyway, I have a grand old time, until he figures out that he's in the unlucky seat and moves.
Aww.
A fight breaks out at Mary's table and the floor moves them to different tables. She gets put at mine.
I don't think it was going well for her and then this happens to me: In the BB I have AA.
It has limped to me and I raise to $17. Four people call including the super tight dude next to me that called me a tough cookie.
The flop is a vomitous K Q J. Fuckity fuck fuck.
It checks around. Turn is a deuce. Tight guy bets $50.
I call, so does button, other dude folds.
Coommeee oonnnnn Ten!
Four.
Remon.
Tight guy bets $50.
I fold, Button makes it $150.
Tight guy calls.
He has a set of jacks, button has 9T.
I declare the lucky seat dead to me.
We leave shortly thereafter, I cash out about 450, putting me up for the trip, if I don't count the tourney buyin. Which I do. So -400 for me. Lemon.